When Sickness meets Death

Evening people. it's raining Heavily in KB plus m feeling kindda emo-ish. have u ever thought of how your death might looked like. have u ever imagine like for example, you've been hit by a car n suddenly u're just lying over there waiting for your very last breath? do ever think of,when u're lying there, will u be alive again or just stay there n close ur eyes? are u going to look at yourself dying or just stay in ur body till the light comes? this mind boggling questions keeps on spinning in my mind. i thought of this since i dont know,before today? but today i had the chance to like "cerita" with amal bout this. since i have a friend*name should not be mentioned* who is capable to live only 5 years from now due to some Family sickness that he/she is having now. when my friend told me that he/she is going to live for only 5 years, my eyes really bust in tears. he/she even say,"maybe it's not 5 years,maybe it's more or maybe less. m not the one to decide but f it happens,happens lah. f nda, i would be thankful" this made me think about the death questions that i was mumbling about.

i am a teenage girl with a "so called CHRONIC disease." like people like to say,it's a number 1 murderer on earth. i was thinking, If i die today,what will happen?? will people cry for me?laugh for me? miss me? i know someone will~i imagine one day m on my death bed, mum trying to call me boyfriend to come over. n by the time he's on his way,i took my last breath without him. that's gonna be so fucked up! i dont even have the chance to tell him,that i love him. i dont even have the chance to see him. i dont even have the chance to hold him. what about my friends? what about my cintas which is far away from me? i know my friends will cry for me. n i know amal n dolly will. what about the rest? my cintas n my friends who care about me all this years? what about my cousins? what about my MUM n DAD?? i know life is such an ass. or some of u might say,it's cruel. but then,f it really happens, u have to accept the fact no matter what happen. tho u tell u're love ones, that u will go before them n they deny it n told u that they're the one who's going first,that's bullcrap. everything happen unexpectedly.

i ever thought of when i die, i will be on top of the world,looking at myself being prayed n all. watching my family n cousins crying for me. friends n enemies come n visit. n the love of my life,standing there crying his heart out for me. it's going to be a sad ending and all. but whatever happen, there's a slight story behind it. maybe it's for the best. okay now m talking crap. nda bah, i am feeling emo bahh~ maybe this sickness u can use as an advantage. but that is so wrong. i hate when people use my sickness as an advantage. seriously,like everything i wana do n someone comes n cuts the line n say,"it's okay wah. she's a diabetic" c'mon lah~i dont want to remind myself m a diabetic. it's enough that m having it. m trying my best to live as normal as possible. u might see me happy outside, but the actual fact is that, i am sad inside. yes! i am sad! i may look healthy, but m not. m not trying to show that i am sick. m not trying to seek any attention. m not trying to seek for any symphaty. m trying to live as normal as u guys. lately. i mean these few days, i've been so quite. i got so much things on my mind. i think even my mum realized it jua. *sigh* m out of words udah n my eyes is full of tears.

to all u friends,family n haters, sorry for all the rudeness or anything yg menyinggung perasaan kamu. i know it's just words, but it might end up to something good. to my baby, m sorry f me buat u marah n all. maybe not now,maybe before or later, i didn't mean anything bad. &&, i miss u so much n i wana see u~:( hope to see u thursday on webbie. cause m missing u badly right now.G'night!